stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
