My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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