and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize