My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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