I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
