just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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