dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
