you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
