shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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