oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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