he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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