i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
