i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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