I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
