I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize