So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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