So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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