i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
