I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
