Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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