I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
