There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
