The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
