My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
