His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
