told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
