you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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