when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
