i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
