I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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