I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
