in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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