Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize