Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
