I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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