You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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