This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize