he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
