Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize