I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
