ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
