Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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