But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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