God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize