Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
