and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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