Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My bed smells like the plague
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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