last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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