some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
