You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
