I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
