I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
