i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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