Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
