the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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