Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
