I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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