o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
