wat bout pragnant strippers??
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
