We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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