im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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