My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize