pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
