I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
