What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize