Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
