Girls should come with a carfax report
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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