batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
